It's my birthday this week.

There will be no celebrations, mind you. Nothing of the sort. Maybe a glass of wine or something but that's about it.

I woke up this morning at 6:45 feeling miserable and wanting nothing else in the world but hot milk.

I was originally going to write about my changed attitude and feelings about things that have been happening to me. I was going to write about how indifferent I have become to obstacles and excrements that life has been throwing at me. I was going to write how it seems not to bother me anymore, and how not getting that job that I interviewed for was not the end of the world. But.

Today is the fifth anniversary of my arrival in Ireland.

I'm not a superstitious person by any stretch. I have my little rituals and bunch of strange beliefs but they are usually backed up by at least a little bit of science or research. I don't believe that walking under a ladder is unlucky - unless one colappses on your head as you do - and I don't believe that dropping a spoon will bring hungry visitors. I don't believe in a lot of things people have a tendency to believe in.

For the last few weeks I was doing some on and off jobs for an
acquaintance of mine, A., who owns an embroidery shop in Bray and needed some help with things such as accounts, business identity and such. I didn't get much out of it, probably some €300 in total that went straight back into my bills, so actually I didn't profit from this much more than getting some more peace of mind and a night or two of drinks and enjoyment. Today he told me that he won't be working with me anymore, because at the moment there are no orders and therefore not enough money to share between the two of us. He will still pay me for the work on the website and the such, but that's about it.

I wrote a note about friendship before and yet again I was proven right. I would certainly prefer not to be proven right all the time but seems that life has decided to kick me as much as it possibly can this year.

A "friend" of mine came up online today after nearly a year of silence. Last year I called him when he forgot my birthday for the first time in history; he promised to call again and never did. So we started to chat... and in the third line he informed me he was married.

I've been kicking myself since the last weekend.

Those who know me know that I have very lucid dreams and that whenever I do dream I am aware that it's not real but I don't interfere with the dream scenario - it's like watching a really cool movie with me in it.

Last weekend I had another one of those. I was in Hollywood attending a party, during which I met Hugh Laurie who was there on his own - and so was I. After a few funny cocktails and a longer chat he invited me over to his hotel suite.

It's been a few days since I wrote anything. Two things happened that caused it: one, an acquaintance of mine who I haven't seen in ages asked me to join his business as a marketing manager - it's not a big business and there is nothing to shout about as I will be working on commission - and two, I caught a cold and I feel just plain awful.

As I was on my way to lodge some monies into the bank, I was walking down the street and smoking a cigarette.

As I was a kid I had IQ waaaay above the average.

-What was the message you sent me this morning about?
-It's pretty simple, I want to know if you would wait for me five years from now.
-But what for?
-Well I can't tell you until you answer me.

This lovely afternoon I have received a bizarre email.
It said: Aerlingus - Confirmation de la référence de réservation

I like horoscopes. I especially like the ones from Tarot.com, they seem awfully accurate. This is my horoscope for today:

I woke up this morning to the sound of the breaking on my heart
I woke up this morning to find out the world, I knew has fallen apart

My website stands on Drupal, fantastic CMS. Sure it might seem like a little bit of overkill (with all the features and featurettes) for what it is now.

For the last week I haven't been great. Let's admit it: I've been worried, tired, sad and lonely.

As of Friday, I am between jobs. I refuse to say I'm unemployed - this is something I have been told not to think once and there is a good reason for this. It attracts bad Karma.

I'm trying to hold on to illusion of stability I have so painstakingly created around me.
The reality is gnawing away at it and as the time goes by, that ilusion of mine is starting to look more like a cloth attacked by moths. I hold on to it knowing that soon it will fall apart.

B. is going to Switzelrand.

I wish I had a time machine and could go back to yesterday afternoon and stop myself from commiting the ultimate crime of hairdressing.

I went to my kitchen one evening for a cup of coffee. It was early, the sun was just about to go down. Not without a surprise I noticed a dark spot on my ceiling, just above the cupboard. The spot was moving - "o, just a spider!" I thought, made myself my coffee and switched off the light as I left the kitchen.

I had a chat with a Latvian fellow during the lunch break. He received a spam email from Nigeria telling him that his relative has died and there is a fortune that he should inherit.

My paranoia has been confirmed today. They have been talking about me. Some people in togas are conspiring against me.

I am utterly miserable with my work at the moment.

“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:

Many seemingly unrelated events from last week and before leave me today feeling like I’m “involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stak

Last night it snowed and snowed. I managed to get back to Bray from the office and went for some shopping.

When I came back home last night, my stomach started to act up again so I went to bed late and didn't get much sleep.

It took me a year since I decided that I should find myself a place and some six months since I realised I actually can afford it.

About five years ago I installed the internet in my father's girlfriend's house. They both use computers, but they preferred not to have anything to do with it at the time.

I resolved that I will make an effort this Christmas and I decided that following dishes will land on my (and Anne's) table this year:

Starters:
Barszcz Czerwony (Beetroot Soup)

This morning some things that everyone expected to happen didn't happen and I had to make some uncomfortable phone calls just as I found out to try to rescue myself.

I thought, when I joined the new company that it is somehow immune to the current economical climate.

Yesterday I have reached a next level in my relationship:

-loathing his priorities-

I now announce the chest of drawers in my room is a creation of Evil or it has been transported there by a group of minor Demons who thought it would be amusing to watch me struggle with it.

She came to me wrapped all in black. Her silver skin was so smooth and shiny I only dared to touch once.

I am back.

Some of us have seen it coming. We couldn't do anything about it. There was no other way.

I'm back. I'm here again. I have been brought back by the little voices in my head.

W zeszyłm tygodniu wstałam wcześniej z zamiarem pojawienia sie w pracy przed dziewiątą aby nareszcie szefowa sie odczepiła.